Tuesday, March 2, 2010

luctor et emergo

The words have been hovering over my soul for days now.  I've incorporated them in to my play that I've been struggling through, muttered them as I completed my grueling tri-weekly jog, and softly whimpered their sounds in the midst of some dark dream.  After looking at the stain glassed window hundreds of times and giving assorted translations to those who asked,  I finally decided, once again, to check on every intellectual's best friend, Wikipedia for a definitive answer.

luctor et emergoI struggle and emergeMotto of the Dutch province of Zeeland to denote its battle against the sea
the motto of the Dutch province of Zeeland: Luctor et emergo, meaning "I wrestle and emerge"




What has my life been on the boat if not a constant struggling and wrestling juxtaposed with surrendering and relinquishing???!!!  And talk about emerging...  true identity and life truths continue to find me at every turn.  
I am truly a New England girl.  I feel like a foreigner in Florida's shallow sun.  Despite my continuous efforts to deny it, writing and the theater has and will always be my true calling.  I'll be poor the rest of my life if I can contribute to those two passions in some small way.  I won't ever go back to a menial job I can't bear.  My two boys are the most beautiful conundrums, riddles that always surprise me and leave me longing to be a better mother.  My husband was right (how hard to type it) when he said I would only be happy if I was writing as if my life depended on it.
There...how's that for a healthy gallon of honesty!
St. Augustine endears itself to me.  Every errand is ripe with people watching and some sort of drama.  It's bike week in Daytona and currently the town is inundated with biker men and boys with the occasional sighting of that elusive vixen, the biker babe.
We still speak longingly of Maine, despite the knowledge of what the state resembles in mid March.  Thanks to all who continue to encourage me with e-mails and phone calls.  
I'm returning to my play.
Peace,
Rebecca
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3 comments:

  1. The Rule MakerMarch 2, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    "I'll be poor the rest of my life if I can contribute to those two passions in some small way. I won't ever go back to a menial job I can't bear."

    I struggle with this every single day! Passion vs. Money!

    Keep writing; you do it beautifully!

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  2. UnknownMarch 4, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    My Dear Rebecca, you will always emerge and on the "bright side of the road" as Van would say! Love your blog!! XO Lu

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  3. OgontzMarch 5, 2010 at 7:54 AM

    "Struggle and Emerge!" Powerful sentiment and worthy of the great Russian writers of the 19th and 20th centuries. How very odd that I never noticed that inscription before. I, taught to observe and to always be aware of surroundings, and I missed it. Must be getting old.

    There is also an Emersonian, Transcendental quality to that motto, and to your writing and reflection about it. One emerges, much like the larva of the most beautiful butterfly to be, as one "struggles and emerges." Your writing in this posting is great; introspective but grounded on reality and aware of life's choices and the greatest of gifts--love of family and a calling.

    Looking ever so forward to seeing you all! Keep the faith and write the words. All will eventually will out! (M will be writing soon.)

    Love to All
    D & M

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